i've been thinking about you a lot
i'm not sure why -- it's not the season
not the usual time of year my grief bubbles up
and refuses to recede
maybe it was going by your old house
that was something i shouldn't have done, i know
or maybe it's noticing again how we aren't the same
how i'm not the same since you left
you make me cry in front of other people
just remembering you; remembering us
makes me cry in front of strangers sometimes
and no one knows quite how to react (not even me)
your heavy presence has been weighing on my heart
more than usual, this one's more stingingly painful
than most alberta autumns since you died
and i don't have much to say that i haven't said already
except that i miss you, which i could never say enough
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