Monday, July 8, 2013

presence

Well, I have been wrenched into the present at last. Slapped in the face by realities I never once considered a possibility. While I've been spending my days wallowing in longing for the past, or hoping for a distant future, I took for granted what was now. And I know that. I've known it this whole time, struggled against that fact, tried pulling myself out of the past, tried making myself feel present, tried swallowing that crippling nostalgia. But I can't do just by sheer force of will, and never have been able to.

Well, I'm here now, present. And I am not happy about it. Now I'm scrambling to stop taking for granted all the wonderful things about our life here in the country. One day, we will not be young. One day, we will not live in a community where everyone loves us. Where nature abounds. Where I can step out the door of my office and let my horse breathe his sweet hay breath onto the palm of my hand whenever I feel like it. One day, the work we do will not be in service to a greater cause. One day we'll look back on this time and miss feeling passionate.

This era, too, will pass. And I will mourn it for a long time.

Maybe forever.

To treasure a life -- how many of you can say you're really doing it?

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