four years

i still see you sometimes when i look behind me
like i'm heading down a path without you
and you keep disappearing in the trees
my feet keep moving forward    away from you
and i don't know how to make them stop

it's monday morning and tomorrow
you will be gone   again    gone
for the millionth time since the first of june
four years ago    i keep feeling you leaving me
a phantom pain that never goes away

i was so much younger then
there was too much that i didn't know
like the physical sense of loss
like a limb taken away without warning
how could i ever have known?

i still feel the warmth and weight
of your hand in mine on the last day
i wanted to hear your voice more than anything
i wanted you to say one last thing to me
one last thing to make me as brave as you

but i will never be as brave as you
and i will never be the same